lorentzian | 01 ✴ written / action

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!action,
!written

01 ✴ written / action

My name is Jane Foster. And if I'm remembering everything correctly, which I can hardly believe, then I've been here before. That being the case, there are a few people I need to talk to. You'll know who you are.

For those who don't know me, you might remember a spectacularly failed attempt at escaping the enclosure some time ago. (Sorry for the vague time frame. I haven't figured out yet how long I've been gone.) For anyone who arrived after that time, I'm an astrophysicist who specializes in wormholes. Well, it's more complex than that, I also study quantum energy fluctuations and related terrestrial phenomena pretty much all over the world - Earth, I mean. Earth. Earth in 2013, for anyone curious. Sorry, this is getting off topic.

In a nice turn of events, I didn't wake up outside, so no search and rescue needed this time.

I guess, um.

Hi, everyone. Old and new. It's - weird to be back.

[ Once she's done writing that plain, unembellished message, Jane shuts her journal and sighs, staring at the blank wall opposite her. Thank the powers at be for small blessings, like waking up warm and comfortable for once instead of half-frozen on a forest floor.

Since the apartment in which she awoke is one of the unclaimed ones, there's nothing really here for her to make use of - or, alternatively, disturb. So a short while later she is slipping out the door, walking on tip-toe down the halls and stairways, though she'll pause at the entrance of the building. She doesn't relish the idea of going out in the cold barefoot and in only a sundress. So she'll skulk about there, deliberating while checking her journal periodically for responses. Anyone who doesn't immediately strike her as Overtly And Comically Evil will probably get a hello. ]

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[ Her expression is serious as she nods. ] Yeah. I am. And I don't know if he would. But I care.

You remember Erik Selvig? Did I tell you about him? He's my -- mentor. Colleague. Sort of. Has been for years. He, um. He was involved with the whole -- thing. [ She twirls a hand, one side of her mouth curling down. Manhattan. ] You know Loki mind-controlled him? He's -- he isn't the same, Billy. He's changed. And I can't just ... god. How do you just let go of that?

[Ah, yes... that kind of indecision. The kind that comes hand in hand with someone you care about hurting someone else you care about.

God, does he ever understand that now. Except that he's on the receiving end, like Loki, and Loki...]

I'm sorry... about that. I can imagine that being hard... to forgive. But you might have to, if you want to stay friends. He's not... sorry for it. At all. Not as far as I've seen. I mean- maybe with enough coaxing you could get him to apologize, or maybe something's changed in the last few months, but-

[He doubts it. He trails off, his eyes lowered, focusing on the coffee machine. Coffee machines don't judge.]

Lives don't mean anything to him unless he knows them first.

[ She rubs a hand over her eye, sighing heavily through her nose. ]

I'm not sure making him apologize is worth it? God, that's awful. [ Jane shakes her head, and there's something bitter and reluctant at once about the motion. ] Like -- he should be sorry, and it shouldn't be okay with me that someone so important to me was--

But I know trying will just get his hackles up, and... god, I don't even know how long I've been gone, but I know that I'm sick of all the fights we've ever had.

[ Her shoulders slump, and she stares sadly at her feet. ]

God. What a mess. Forgive him for something he doesn't deserve to be forgiven for, or hold against him something he won't forgive me for holding against him?

I wish I could tell you what the answer is.

[Billy can only smile very faintly for her; it's sympathetic and he gets it, he does, but the whole forgiveness thing for him works differently- before, it was because it wasn't his Manhattan or his version of Loki, and now... because he'd been forgiven for doing something both specific and terrible to Loki. Griping about how he should feel bad about Manhattan just wouldn't hold the same kind of sway, now.

Then again, he hasn't mentioned it for a long time.]

I don't know. Maybe something's changed. Maybe he'd apologize for you. He's missed you a lot, you know.

[We all have.]

[ That shuts her up, and she ducks her head, pressing a loose fist to her mouth, and then to her cheek. A crooked smile works its way across her mouth. ]

... god, this is ... sort of mortifying, but. [ She folds her arms, her brows knight tight over her sad smile. ] ... did Tony get you that recording I made?

[He pauses at that, glancing away. Remembering that is a little surreal, considering- it had been a farewell, and she's right here. He feels like getting all choked up about it but if he ends up crying he'll probably end up clinging to the person he's crying about.

Well. That, and the spell. His tears always come back to the spell, these days.]

...Yeah. He came by and delivered it. ...You know, he actually had to ask me if I knew what a cassette tape was?

[ That -- gets her to laugh, a sound barely louder than a breath, and she lifts a hand to rub the back of her neck. ]

Yeah, well. That's just how he is. Can't miss an opportunity to be ... him.

[ ... awwwwwkwaaaaard. She sort of regrets bringing it up. Gently: ]

I ... I'm glad you had it. Sort of, um, moot point now, huh? [ Her laugh is quiet. ]

I wouldn't say that.

[He still can't quite look at her, so he focuses on the coffee, getting mugs, sugar, milk and cream on a tray to bring to the table.]

I listened to it... kind of a lot. While you were gone.

[That's probably weird to say- or rather, weird to hear, for her. But he's not ashamed of it, nor will he apologize. Over the last month and a half, after everything that's happened, everything he did, he'd really needed someone to tell him those things. That he didn't give up. (He did.) That he should rely on people. (He didn't.) That they're proud of him. (Would she still?) That they believed in him. (Would she still?) That he could be a super hero. (Maybe back then.) That he should be careful. (Ha.

Ha.

Ha.)

He'd needed that voice, sometimes, to not be Teddy. Because Teddy knew. Teddy remembered. Teddy had been there. So sometimes it's hard... to believe all of that. When you hate yourself that much you just kind of assume everyone else does - or should - too.]

[ Well. How can she react to that except to meander over, closing whatever distance is between them, and ruffle his hair? ]

You really need to fill me on on your life between then and now, kiddo.

[He ducks his head a bit at the gesture, half to let his embarrassment show, and half to try and hide his expression. It's not so easy when she's right there, so he just goes ahead and pours the now-ready coffee, sliding her a mug.]

Do I, really?

[Can't he just have one person in his life who doesn't know?]

[ Jane palms her mug, sighing. ]

You don't have to. But the fact that you don't want to? Tells me a lot already.

[ She picks up the mug and presses it to her lips briefly in thought before lowering it enough to talk. Her smile is sympathetic. ]

Billy, I know I've said a lot about being your big sister. And to me, you're family. End of story. But that never means you have to tell me something. I just... don't want you to go it alone.

[Billy chews on his lower lip at that, taking a few long moments to get his coffee all sorted and take a sip for himself, staring worriedly into the cup. He doesn't want to do this again. He doesn't want to hear it, to say it, to even think about it. But he does that already- all the time, that guilt is lingering, clawing at his heart. It bites him at the most inopportune moments, blindsiding him even - or especially - when he's feeling good. Like now. And she has other friends besides him, people she'll want to see, speak with, and hear about their lives since she left. Tony. Loki. People who know. Who might appreciate a sympathetic, listening ear. So she'll find out eventually, and then it'll be that much worse, because he won't have told her first.

So. May as well ruin this, too.

His eyes flit to her, reluctant, but finally cooperative. Ish.]

Do you still have your journal with you?

[ Her brow knits. ]

Yeah, of course. Here--

[ She picks up her journal from where she'd set it down and moves to hold it out to him, her expression a question, though she asks nothing further. ]

[He sets aside his coffee and slides the journal over, lifting it and flipping through for a moment. When he finds his own entry, he silently hands it back and gets his coffee again, ducking his head and sipping quietly at it. It's not exactly a full explanation, but he's hoping it's enough to at least explain his emotional state.]

[ With a feeling of foreboding, she takes the journal, gives him one last look, and plays the entry back.

Oh, god. The way he sounds is enough to make her sick with concern. She tries very hard to keep her expression schooled as the explanation goes on, but she just can't. Halfway through she presses a hand over her mouth and doesn't lower it until long moments after the recording has stopped.

Be careful with your magic. ]

Oh, my god. Billy. Billy, I'm so--

[ Without another word she sets everything down - journal, coffee, anything - so she can go over and pull him into a tight hug. ]

[He does at least accept the hug, returning it one-handed, though he can't quite look at her yet. He's not proud of what happened, nor does he think he should be getting the sympathy for it, but... god, it really is nice to be held. She wasn't there. He didn't hurt her. They at least managed to dodge that bullet, and for that, he's grateful.]

...so... that's what you missed. Welcome back, huh...?

Billy.

[ There's a small waver to her voice, but her hands are firm as she steps back from the hug enough to cup his face instead. Her face is pinched with distress and care, but she's trying to smile anyway. ]

What kind of big sister would I be if I wasn't glad to see my little brother again? So don't you even start that with me.

[ She drops her hands, sighing out heavily, and every inch of her is worry, electrified and too restless to stay still, but she forces herself not to move. The energy channels in fingers that tap at nothing but the air over her thighs. ]

.... if you don't want to tell me the details, I will really, truly understand. But I want you to know that family doesn't stop loving family just because something bad happened. Okay? I'm not going anywhere.

[Billy doesn't respond for a long moment. He glances up as she cups his face, then down again, his expression sick with guilt and uncertainty and, truth be told, surprise. Every time someone hears about what happened or sees the effect and doesn't hate him for it is a shock, and he's still not over that feeling.

Finally he shifts from foot to foot, chewing idly on his lower lip, and tilts his head towards the living room area.]

We should... sit down. I'l put the fire on, get you those socks. We've got blankets. And...

[A pause, an exhale, an air of uncertainty that just won't leave him alone anymore.]

...we can talk.

... sounds like a plan to me. [ Her smile is crooked, but warm, and some of the tension seeps from her posture. ] Come on. [ She'll pick up her journal and head over there. ]

... you know, this might sound really weird, but, um, if you had a pair of sweatpants I could borrow.... [ Sucks air in through her teeth and smiles sheepishly this time. ]

[He glances down as they walk, brows lifting a bit, then smiles weakly. Yeah... sundress. Not really her style. He sets down his coffee and steps back, gesturing.]

Come on, you can pick something out of my closet and get changed. I promise it's all clean.

[The stuff in the closet, anyway. And Jane's awesome enough to be invited to his hobbit hole of geekery.]

[ Oh man. Teenage boy bedroom.

Nerdy teenage boy bedroom.

Jane has to stifle a laugh the second she steps in. ]

Oh my god. What a dork. [ WITH SO MUCH FONDNESS. ]

[He reddens a little, scuffing a hand through his hair. You know what? This is a lot better than talking about everything else that needs discussing. He'll take even the teasing.

The room itself is pretty lived in, though. It's a mess, but lovingly so, and there are signs of Teddy's presence as well. Mostly when he opens the closet and it's half-full of clothes that wouldn't fit him properly, or fashions that don't suit him. He also pointedly ignores the spandex uniform buried against the corner wall.]

Y-yeah, yeah... this is actually nothing compared to my room back home. My, um. Collections are many.

[He steps back, gesturing and heading for the door.]

Take whatever you're comfortable with. You want something to eat?

[ Jane wrinkles her nose, amused and teasing and oh so unable to help herself. ]

Is Kirk still here? If so, don't tell him I said this, but I used to have his picture, you know, the Shatner version, taped to my wall. I know what it means to be a geek.

[ She does notice - can't help <>but notice - the way he ignores his uniform, But she won't pin him on it. Instead she gamely steps over to the closet and starts rifling through. ]

Sure. Whatever you have on hand is fine with me. Thanks, Billy.

[He nods and heads out with a wave, shutting the door behind him for privacy, then bustles about the kitchenette grabbing some food- a bit of fruit, crackers, chips. Lazy house-hosting foods. When she comes out it's scattered on the table with the coffee, and he's curled up on the couch with a blanket, and an extra one set aside for her.]

[ She emerges after a few minutes wearing this t-shirt over a pair of too-long sweatpants that she's had to roll up at the cuff. She can't seem to stop grinning. ]

Oh, my god. After my day, this is a feast. Thank you, Billy. [ She plops down on the couch beside him, sampling some of the fruit to wash down with coffee and settle under the blanket. ]

01 ✴ written / action

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